Who Needs Hallmark?
by tetsia.howard
Summary: The Prince and his Froggie try to create a special romantic holiday... what could POSSIBLY go wrong? B26, TOTAL CRACK... Enjoy!


The first Valentine's Day after Bel and Fran finally made their courting official would have gone unnoticed, except that the ever curious Storm had caught Lussuria and Squalo talking quietly in the kitchen about a week before. Now, Squalo talking in a normal tone of voice was strange enough, but the hissing whispers and blushing face of the proud Rain caught his attention. The scent of chocolates in the air was also undeniably appealing. So of course, Bel strolled right in. "Ushishishi… the Prince wants chocolate."

"VOI, BRAT! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

Bel gave his Cheshire grin and sat on a stool at the counter. "The Prince can go wherever he wants, Sharky. Why's your face all red?"

"F-fuck you, you psychotic brat!" Bel's laugh followed the silveret out of the room, and he turned his attentions to Lussuria.

"What was his problem?" He peered around the kitchen. "And where's the chocolate?"

"Ho ho ho, Bel-kun… he's just embarrassed because Valentine's Day is coming up. The chocolates are for the holiday of LOOOOOOVVEEEE…. And you can't have any right now." Lussuria sashayed back to his stove, restarting the flame under his double boiler and ignoring Bel's pout.

"The Prince wants chocolate now." Bel moved over to watch Luss. He knew the rather severe penalties of interrupting the Sun while he cooked. "And why is Sharky embarrassed about a silly day?"

Lussuria stopped stirring for a second to stare at the blond. He shook his head, quickly starting the spoon moving again. "Bel-kun, please tell me you planned something for Fran-chan for the holiday?"

"Che, no." Bel stopped. "Should I?"

"Oh, Bel…" Lussuria shook his head at him again, the disappointment obvious on his face. "You should at least get the person you love a gift on Valentine's Day. It shows that you love them."

The Storm mulled this over for a few minutes. "The Prince should get his Froggie a gift? But… what do Froggies like?"

"Well, that's part of what the day is about. Getting your lover something they'd like because you know them that well." Lussuria's voice had turned lecturing. He'd just gone over a similar issue with the Rain. Really, did NO ONE understand the simple holiday?

Again, the silence was deafening as Belphegor wrapped his head around the Sun's words. "The Prince has it!" Forgetting about chocolate, the blond prince scurried from the room. A few minutes later, the whole mansion heard a loud, "VOOOIIII! GIVE THAT BACK, DAMMIT!"

"Ushishishi, the Prince needs the computer, go die!"

Lussuria just shook his head. Those two were hopeless.

* * *

February 14-

Fran had a mission first thing in the morning, much to his chagrin. The illusionist was so not a morning person… but it gave him time on the way home to pick up the giant box of candy he wanted to get for Bel. Other than a mutilated corpse, he couldn't think of anything else the fake-prince would really love… but he had a HUGE sweet tooth. And thus, the box that Fran was carrying was almost as tall as he was. He just hoped he could get up to his room without running into anyone. Really… it was a bit embarrassing.

Luck seemed to be on his side, he got all the way upstairs without running into a single person. He walked into his room and almost dropped the box he was carrying at the soft 'ushishishishishi' coming from his bed. He looked at the bed, then did a double-take and looked around the room.

There were frogs EVERYWHERE. His desk and dresser were covered with frog knickknacks; his bed had what looked like more than a dozen plush frogs of various sizes, while Bel was holding a giant, lime green frog plushie in his arms.

Really… wasn't it enough that he had to wear this damned hat everywhere he went? That Bel insisted on calling him 'Froggie', even when they were in bed together? This was just… Fran felt tears well up and tried his best to halt them before they could spill. "The stupid fake-prince has a fake sense of humor as well."

Bel was confused. Why didn't his Froggie look happy? It had taken the Storm HOURS to pick and choose all of the frogs that adorned his second-favorite place in the world. "The Prince got the Froggie presents!" He grinned widely, rather proud of himself.

That is, until the huge box of chocolates came flying at his head. "You are a stupid, selfish fake-prince who wouldn't know a real present if it bit you in the ass!" Fran's hands were balled at his sides as he turned and stalked out. "Happy fucking Valentine's, asshole."

Fran refused to speak to Bel for a week. That night, every single frog was piled outside his door, except for the body-sized plushie. When Bel was finally allowed back in the Mist's room (which took a lot of wheedling, some very rejected kisses, and a small tub of chocolate pudding), he was pleased to note that the giant frog plushie was pushed against the wall on Fran's bed, as if he'd been sleeping with it in the Prince's absence.

* * *

A year later-

Fran was in the kitchen, wearing one of Luss' much-too-big aprons and staring in frustration and distaste at the thick piece of bloody red steak on the counter. It couldn't be THAT hard to cook it, right? Right? What had made him think this was a good idea again?

Oh, yeah… he'd heard Squalo and Luss talking about it the night before. The long-haired commander had been practically BEGGING Luss-nee to make a steak dinner. The Sun had been uncharacteristically uncooperative; stating that he had his own Valentine plans to get together and wouldn't have time to make food for Xanxus as well. He had mentioned as well that food prepared by hand rather than being bought was more heartfelt, leaving the swordsman to mutter unpleasantly. Really, how was he supposed to cook with one hand?

But the idea had been planted in the illusionist's mind and he couldn't let it go. Bel loved steak almost as much as Xanxus did… and the bloodier the better, much to the Mist's disgust. Honestly, meat was disgusting, but it WAS Valentine's Day… and he'd been an ass the year before. So he snuck down the night before and swiped a steak from the fridge, stashing it in his room. He didn't want Xanxus getting a hold of it before he could cook it for Bel.

So here he was, staring at the bloody steak on the counter and wondering what the hell to do with it. Hmmm… he'd seen Luss fry meat before. That should work. He wrinkled his nose, picking the meat up and tossing it into a large frying pan. He turned the heat on and stared at it. After a couple minutes, he sighed. This was taking forever. Well… that could fry a bit.

Side dishes! Fran knew how to make potatoes! It only took him a couple minutes to slice up a bunch of potatoes and toss them in a baking dish. Herbs, butter, and into the oven they went.

Shit… herbs. He grabbed some containers from Luss' well-stocked spice rack and dumped them on the steak, then flipped it over. Still red… this never seemed to take the Sun this long. He turned the heat on the frying pan up and turned to peruse the kitchen.

Dessert was simple to put together… angel food shells piled high with sweetened strawberries and tucked away in the freezer. Fran would add whipped cream to the top of them before he brought everything upstairs.

The steak was starting to sizzle and the Mist quickly flipped it over, afraid of burning it. The top was a nice brown color. He did some quick math in his head and realized he'd have just enough time to create the table and place setting illusions and get everything else upstairs before the steak was done. His lazy prince was asleep in their room, so it wouldn't be difficult to get everything set up before dinnertime.

By the time he was satisfied with the look of the room and came back downstairs, the other side of the steak was a perfect brown color. He still thought it looked disgusting, but he didn't have to eat it, so… He stabbed it with a fork, trying not to gag as he set it on Bel's plate. Roasted potatoes and a salad followed, and he loaded up his own plate with salad and potatoes. He grabbed the dessert from the freezer and settled the whipped cream inside an ice bucket with a small bottle of chilled champagne. All the food went on a tray and he carried everything upstairs.

* * *

That Evening-

The blond Storm was woken to the delicious scent of meat. He blinked, stretching and scratching lightly at his bare stomach. He peered around the dimly lit room, then realized the flickering he was seeing was candles. An ornate table sat in the middle of their room, and Fran sat at one end of it, with a plate of food in front of him, waiting for Bel. The other side of the table had… steak?! The blond darted forward, staring down at the meat hungrily.

"Ushishishishi, where did the Froggie find a steak?"

"In the fridge, where they always are, unobservant sempai." The illusionist was trying very hard not to bite his lip, nervous about Bel's reactions.

The prince sat down, poking at the meat experimentally with a knife. "But Luss said he wasn't making any food today… Something about a date."

"He… didn't make it." Thankfully, the low candlelight hid Fran's blush. "I-I did."

Bel's hidden eyes widened and he stared at his Frog with awe. "Th-the Froggie cooked… for the Prince? Cooked… meat?" Everyone in Vongola, not just the Varia, knew of Fran's aversion to anything that used to be an animal. Luss always prepared him a special dinner, and the Vongola chefs were always given a heads up when the Varia visited. So, the fact that Fran had touched meat, and cooked it, just for him…

"Of course I did, Bel-sempai. It's Valentine's Day, after all." The candlelight wasn't hiding his bright blush anymore… "J-just eat, inquisitive fake-prince."

Bel smiled and nodded, digging into his meal with a relish. The steak was bloody, the potatoes were perfectly cooked, and the prince even forced himself to eat the salad, though he wasn't a fan of greens normally. "Ushishishishishishi, I have a present for my Froggie too…" He glanced up at Fran, trying not to show how nervous he was… after all, his last present had been a horrible failure (even if the illusionist did still have the giant frog on his bed.)

"A-ara? Bel… it's… not more frogs, is it?" He didn't want to seem ungrateful, but…

"Ushishishishishishishishi, no!" Bel popped another large piece of meat in his mouth, chewed and swallowed. "B-but Froggie has to wait until after dinner for his present."

Fran actually pouted a little, but nodded. "After dessert too, sempai…"

It didn't take Bel long to finish his meal and Fran quickly pulled the strawberry shortcake out. He walked over and straddled the Storm with the large dish of confection, smirking. "Open up."

Bel was not adverse to the new seating arrangement, or being fed. He pulled Fran tighter into his lap, happily opening his mouth. He couldn't resist the soft moan as the sweet dessert hit his tongue, and it turned into a growl when Fran leaned over and licked some whipped cream from his lip. Fran smirked, grinding his hips a bit as he pulled up another spoonful and slid it into the blonde's mouth. Again, his small pink tongue slid out, lapping at Bel's lips and making the prince groan. "Fr-froggie…"

Fran took one more bite and pushed it into the prince's mouth, nibbling his lips and jaw as Bel chewed. The prince's sounds of pleasure changed, and the illusionist looked up, confused. Bel's face was almost as green as Fran's eyes, and he was suddenly pushing his young lover off his lap and scrambling for the bathroom. Sounds of violent retching could be heard as Fran sat in shock.

"B-b-bel?" Another bout of throwing up made the Mist run out the door, searching for Lussuria.

* * *

"He'll be ok, Fran-chan." Lussuria sighed softly, settling back after giving Bel some medicine and tucking him back into bed. "Just a touch of food poisoning, that's all. What did you eat, Bel-kun?"

Fran answered, dejectedly. "I… I made him dinner, Luss-nee." He couldn't even be bothered to summon his monotone face… so much for his great make-up Valentine's present.

"What did you make him?"

"Steak…."

Luss sighed softly, patting the two youngest Varia members on the head. "Maybe you should stick to cards and flowers next year…"


End file.
